Thursday, July 28, 2011

Depressed......

I'm sorry if you don't want to read depressing things, if not you better leave now lol. I'm just having a poor-pitty-me day and since it's my blog, I'm going to post it. This is a big part of my life right now.
I have been unemployed for a little over 10 months. I apply for at least 4-6 jobs a week (sometimes more), and I get called for interviews on a fairly regular basis. I usually interview once or twice a week. How can it take this long to find a job then? I must have something that makes them want to interview me. And most of the interviews seem to go very well and I leave feeling very positive. I follow up with an email or phone call thanking them for their time (and reminding them who I am and that I am very interested in the position). But then nothing happens.
We are falling very behind on our bills, and our resources are just running out. I honestly don't know what to do. I'm so upset and nervous all the time that I can't sleep. I can barely muster the will to get out of bed every day. I hear the voice in my head telling me things will work out and that I just need to trust in God's plan for me. But, I also realize that God helps those who help themselves. So I keep pressing on. Hoping, praying, and believing someone will see what I see in myself sometime.
People keep telling me that I should go back to school with that government program for displaced homemakers. And I think I could possibly qualify. But then I lose my unemployment benefits and we can't afford to live on Shane's income alone. Which is just sad because he makes pretty good money. We've just made some bad financial choices that we have to live with now. I can't afford anymore school loans either.
It's all I think about all the time now. We're going to lose everything we've worked so hard for all because of me. Even when I'm trying to have fun and do something else, it's always there in the back of my mind.
And what about Christmas? And registering G for school? And the registration on my car is up this month--all things that don't happen consistently and aren't built into our budget.
I'm just so worried.

3 comments:

Leah said...

Shelly, I am so sorry :( I will be praying for you. I couldn't read everything you said as there is some weird text thing coming up over your whole blog saying "upgrade to Pro today" ? Have no idea. Just wanted to give you a cyber hug and encourage you to keep holding on to the only One who can move mountains. I am really struggling right now, not just with Makaio being ill but finding out there is actually a real possiblity that he may never be able to come home. Or, if he does one day, it could take an unkown amount of months and months more. My heart is really broken over these things, but I am trying to keep my will, my heart, surrendered to Him. I may not always feel it, but that is the only place that is safe.

Nana Connie said...

Shelly, a very wise and serene person once told me (when I was in the midst of fear and anguish) that "Faith and fear cannot occupy the same heart at the same time." I didn't understand it at first, but learned that it has to do with doing my part (the footwork) and leaving all the results up to God. If I am frustrating God's plan by keeping my mind and heart full of worry and fear, I leave no room for Him to work His miracles. I'll be saying prayers for you and I have full faith that He will answer them, in His own way and at His own time. Cyber Hugz.

Jessica said...

Shelly, I'm so sorry to hear that your stress level is so escalated. I can't imagine what a tough time you and your family are having. Although I know Christmas is a big deal in most families, it is about the meaning of Christmas and not so much about the presents. Maybe this could be more evident this year; although I know that is easier said then done. I wish there was something I could say to make it all better. I wish I owned my own business and we lived in the same town and I could offer you a job! Know that you have friends and that God always has a plan, no matter how hard it is to see at the time. I am positive that good things will come your way soon! Hugs from Dallas!